Thursday 15th April 1998

Today is a glorious day. I have found a solution to my problems.

Kill all the other men on the planet.

I have no qualms about this bloody work. After all, they stand between me and my beloved Cordelia. They deserve death for trying to ruin our beautiful relationship. I mean, two people seldom get a chance at happiness. And they all just want to spoil it by showing her there are alternatives.

The extermination of over half the population of the globe will not be easy.

It will take patience and diligence.

I will become Prime Minister. Then I will appoint a female cabinet will then start a war with every nuclear power in the world. From the safety of my bunker (where Cordelia will be, having been kidnapped by female members of the secret service).

How can I fail?

All I need to do is smile, give no answers that that are longer than one sentence and do whatever Rupert Murdoch tells me to.

How easy it is to become a Prime Minister in a modern democracy.

I might also have to lose some weight. The public are definitely not "Chubby Chasers", Roy Hattersley not withstanding.

This might be a problem because although I love Cordelia, I love Coca-Cola more.

Still can a Coke can give me a blowjob?

Can Cordelia give me that caffeine and sugar rush?

I'm looking forward to seeing my beloved.

And Cordelia.

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